By Niobe Way
“Boys are emotionally illiterate and don’t wish intimate friendships.” during this empirically grounded problem to our stereotypes approximately boys and males, Niobe method unearths the serious intimacy between teenage boys particularly in the course of early and heart youth. Boys not just percentage their private secrets and techniques and emotions with their closest male acquaintances, they declare that with no them they might cross “wacko.” but as boys turn into males, they turn into distrustful, lose those friendships, and suppose remoted and alone.Drawing from enormous quantities of interviews performed all through formative years with black, Latino, white, and Asian American boys, Deep secrets and techniques finds the ways that we've got been telling ourselves a fake tale approximately boys, friendships, and human nature. Boys’ descriptions in their male friendships sound extra like “something out of affection tale than Lord of the Flies.” but in past due formative years, boys believe they need to “man up” via changing into stoic and self sustaining. weak feelings and intimate friendships are for ladies and homosexual males. “No homo” turns into their mantra.These findings are alarming, given what we all know approximately hyperlinks among friendships and future health, or even durability. instead of a “boy crisis,” approach argues that boys are experiencing a “crisis of connection” simply because they dwell in a tradition the place human wishes and capacities are given a intercourse (female) and a sexuality (gay), and hence discouraged should you are neither. means argues that the answer lies with exposing the inaccuracies of our gender stereotypes and fostering those serious relationships and primary human abilities. (20110411)
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Additional resources for Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection
Thick culture explanations for the loss of intimate friendships focus on conventions of masculinity and the implicit homophobia and sexism that discourage such friendships among boys and men in the first place. They also draw attention to the ways in which these conventions and the gender straitjackets associated with them have grown more rigid as we become more socially progressive, revealing a powerful backlash to women’s and gay rights. In addition, they examine the larger sociological pattern of a decline in social connectedness66 and empathy that most assuredly makes it difficult for boys to stay connected to each other.
Like Guillermo, Victor longs to find the type of intimate male friend he had earlier, but fears of betrayal prevent him from continuing to pursue the possibility. THE HIDDEN LANDSCAPE OF BOYS’ FRIENDSHIPS 21 Occasionally boys did not directly express their yearning for intimate male friendships, but the tone of their voices suggested that they felt poorly about the loss of their formerly close friendships. Eric speaks extensively in his junior year about his losses since middle school. In middle school, he claims, he had a “crew of boys” with whom he used to spend all of his time.
Page upon page has been written about how boys are suffering at the hands of patriarchy, feminism, parents, teachers, or simply their own devices. These books can be loosely divided into four groups, with each group overlapping to some degree. The first group, written primarily by clinicians and therapists, focuses almost exclusively on White middle and upper income boys (those who go to and can afford therapy) and aims to explore the negative impact of the conventions of masculinity on boys’ development.